Forgiveness - Marie Habke

It seems like one of the biggest themes in my work is around forgiveness.  Whether it is about forgiving yourself for a mistake or someone close for bad behavior, I talk about forgiveness a lot.  And people really struggle with it.  I think sometimes it is because we assume that we have to “forgive and forget.”  The forgetting is often impossible – how do you forgive a partner for cheating if it means forgetting that it ever happened?  Forgetting feels like denial of how you have been hurt, and like a serious risk factor in it happening again.  And quite frankly, we can’t forget something like that.  So, how do we forgive?  I think sometimes we need different language.  Maybe it isn’t about forgiving as much as it is about letting go.  About letting go of the hurt and anger, and choosing to not put energy towards it any more.  About moving on “as if” you don’t need your hurt or your anger to protect you from this happening again.